esme77 (esme77) wrote,

manir and love

Today, i sit alone at home. it is quiet. it's the first day i have been alone in the house for a long long time. my life has taken a sudden change of course and i couldn't have predicted it. i knew that change was on the next page...i felt it rising like a nice loaf of bread... but not llike this. i have to laugh when i hear myself say things and then have them happen. we are the creators of all that comes into being. not sure how i wove or manifested a person into my life from so far away...but i found him. i have fallen in love with a man over the past 2 months. he is from iraq and i contine to learn things about myself the more i get to know him...he is a bright mirror. he is truly a wonderful, gentle soul. he is the perfect grounding, soothing, calming, rational compliment to my airy, scattered, erratism... we are deeply commited and fit so well together it frightens me. his name is manir which means who shines from within. i didn't realise how ethnocentric i was until i met this person. i continue to try to see things from a neutral prespective...but it's a challenge...we have spent days and days just sitting in front of each other talking, sharing. we are so different, yet all our differences seem to draw more interest and intrigue towards one another. we have gone beyond all the initial stages of a relastionship..we didn that very quickly and have moved on to talking about things like dirty dipers and whether the dog can sleep with us on the bed or off the bed...where we want to move and live..and when we want to start having children. this is the first time i have ever been able to do this and it's pretty amazing and settles my heart. yesterday we woke up out at the cabin and had coffee and toast out on the sun drentched deck over looking the glassy ocean and then in our barefeet went down and inflated the venture 200 on the sandybeach ( crummy old dingy from cnd tire)...we ran up and got some snorkels and masks and floated around in the water looking at jelly fish and laughing at each other in our very unflattereing masks. the water was so still it was like looking thru a glass window into another world. manir is scared of sharks and 'wild animals' i ferry him around on the raft..he is 39 years old...and he looks like a 10 year old boy in his glory...there are still things that i am getting used to with he is with me. i keep telling him that i am the daughter of crazy hippies...i am a radical nut..stanch feminist..that i need to see him in situations that put my heart at seeing him in a girly apron in front of the stove making a nice meal (which i have many times seen)..he continues to dispel all my middle easter man qualities that i sadly assumed them all to possess...i keep nothing from him..he loves that i like strange things and talk insesintly about them...and i sit in awe while listening to all his stories ...watching his face change when he talks about the wars and how his country is being torn apart..watching how his eyes change when he talks about his family..and how he has been moving around for 10 years in countries that i can't imagine...all i want to do is hug him and love him. he is surrounded by the more warm, loving energy..he is one of the most loving, affectionate, intelligent, insightful, sensitive, humble, people i have ever met. we talked about steven and how that whole sceniorio effected me and my life...all my anxiety. there is something very liberating and freeing and comforting to be with someone who understands suddenly allows you the sense that you are not alone..he can anticipate my thoughts and feelings and is the most wonderful communicator...there is no reverse underhanded emotional punishements. he is just honest and open...he is the person i have been seeking. he is free from hate, anger ...he doenst veiw himself as a victim..he is just happy to be where he is now.. and so am i. wow. life is a crazy peice of fruit. best to be enojed while ripe..
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