esme77 (esme77) wrote,

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things change

well, it's been awhile...i finished first semester.. this next one is super easy, which will be a nice break from the hell fire i am coming out of from the last 4 months. i really want my own space, wow. i realize that i have to live here another 2.5 this small, ittty bitty house alongside mom and dad...they are great...but i just need some space away from them on a regular basis. there was a storm here last night, munir was over all day doing a puzzle with me. he leaves in a few days and from this time forward i will see very little of him. he wants to have children and get married. i do not. i do not love this man. he is wonderful, kind generous...he is intelligent, sensitive, affectionate---but--- he has an entirely different sense of humor, he doesn't like me hugging other men, he can't tell a good story...he doesn't read, he's by no means interested in the outdoors or the environment. i will not stay with this man. i feel a bit guilty that i know this and continue dating him...but i have no one else here..i need to hug someone and make soup for someone and play with someone's hair. i keep telling myself that he will be fine...he'll find someone else. there are always woman asking after him.. and i'm not responsible for him. i just feel nasty. he will be fine. i am looking so so so forward to moving back to sk. i have told him that this is where i want to be. he doesn't think that he can practice there..which may be a good thing. i just want my own place..some independence and friends.....friends...that is all i want. i am so lonely here. i have not a friend ...not a one. my one friend is in labrador... whine whin..
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